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Clutter vs. Cash

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 01:21:15 +0000

This article is from Vivacious Mum. Vivacious Mum is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom Bloggers Network. Real women. Real mothers. Real life.

By Empowering Mums

As busy mums, it is likely you’ve little time to address the issue of clutter in your home. We’re not talking about the odd messy room that you are continually tidying. It’s all the ‘stuff’ you hoard on shelves, in wardrobes, in the garage or in your attic. Have you ever considered how much money you could make by selling off unwanted or unused possessions?

The first thing to consider here is how you feel about all the unwanted items that are cluttering up your home. Are you shocked by all the things you have amassed, do you feel guilty about the money you’ve wasted or do you despair by the lack of space it has created in your family home? Whatever negative feelings you have about your clutter, let it go now! It’s not doing you any good and it’s not helping you to sort through your possessions and work out what should stay and what can most definitely go!

There is little point holding onto a past that has little or no use to you now. Any negative thoughts you have – and any unwanted items – should be banished from your mind and home for good!

De-cluttering is good for the soul! It enables you to take control of your belongings and create a harmonious environment in which you and your family can happily live! If you need tips about how to go about de-cluttering your home, Empowering Mums has produced a fantastic comprehensive self-study guide on the subject! Simply visit our shop at http://www.empoweringmums.co.uk/Shop/Empowering-self-study-guides/Self-Study-De-cluttering.php for more information and to purchase your copy! The point here is to work out how much money you could raise by selling off all your unwanted items. It is becoming easier to make money out of unwanted items from which other people could benefit. You could hold a yard sale, attend a car boot sale, visit an auction house or use an online auction site or classified advertising site. Your quality unwanted belongings could generate some serious extra cash. It’s also a great way to help the environment, as this is the ultimate in recycling!

So, why not give it a go and start making cash from your clutter? It could give you some extra cash to save for a rainy day or a way to give your family some extra treats. Above all clearing your space will most definitely clear your mind and could potentially fill your purse!

Be a strong single mom

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:52:38 +0000

This article is from Vivacious Mum. Vivacious Mum is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom Bloggers Network. Real women. Real mothers. Real life.

Through all the hardships of raising kids as a single mom, there are moments of utter bliss. But often mothers suffer feelings of hopelessness and aloneness. In the end, a mother hopes only for the best for her children. The ultimate goal is their success in life as human beings and their attainment of happiness. If a mother can achieve this, she is successful. Here’s how you can be a strong single mom:

When they are babies and toddlers, do not spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on birthday parties and holiday gifts. They will never remember this, and you will need the money later.
Invest in a college fund for your child early. If you wait too long, the price goes way up. If you start when they are babies, it can cost as little as $10 a month. It is definitely worth it, and many plans have a clause where you can take it out if they decide not to go to college.
Do not feel guilty for not giving your child all that they want. An allowance is good, but only if they are given some chores to earn it. In the end, this will teach them the importance of working for what you eventually receive. This builds strength of character and a strong work ethic.
Kids are starving for boundaries these days. Do not be afraid to give timeouts and enforce them. Start timeouts at a very early age. Usually age 2 is about right. They will need to sit, facing a wall for 2 minutes. They should stay in timeout the number of minutes that equals their age. Do not let them go in their room, and do not allow them to speak. They will only whine and eventually wear you down. Remember, in the end, it serves the child well.
This may be overstated, but pick your battles. I have seen so many parents get caught up in things like haircuts or styles in clothing. If they are not dressing in a way that is too sexually expressive, then why not let them be goth or punk? As long as they stay away from drugs and other inappropriate behaviours, their dress will allow them to express their individuality and give them an expressive outlet.
Try a variety of sports or activities at a young age when it is inexpensive and see if your child develops an interest in any specific area. However, having them do too many sports at once hinders their development. It is important to have free time.
Monitor their Internet usage. Parents need to be aware of what their kids are putting out there. Predators monitor these websites. It is not safe for any child to have their picture on these sites.
Do not worry if your kids do not like you. When they reach the age of about 12 to around 17 or so, they probably will not like you regardless of how much you try. So do not change your monitoring habits to appease them. This is the age when they are most likely to engage in inappropriate behaviours, including drug usage, sexual behaviours and dishonest acts. It is very important to sit them down and have talks at age 9 or 10 about sex and drugs. They are not too young. Their friends are already talking to them about it. Be very open. If they ask a question, answer it. You do not have to go into graphic detail, but do not think they are not aware of some things already. You will be surprised at what they already know. Try not to get angry when they tell you things. This will only close the doors of communication.
It is nice to have your kids as your friends, but this does not always work. We have to be parents. If your goal is to get your children to like you, you will probably fail as a parent. It is difficult to set boundaries if you are afraid of offending your child. As parents, we have to be aware that they may not always like us, but with the right direction and a little luck, they will always love us.

Most of all, give your kids daily affirmations of your love. Kiss them or hug them even if they do not want you too. They may protest, but they still need you regardless of the age. If you make a mistake and blow your top and say or do things you do not mean, be sure to sincerely apologize. Kids are people too, and it is important we acknowledge that. If we make a mistake we should talk to them about how and why it happened. We can then use that as a teaching/learning experience.

Interview with Sue Cohen, Chief-Executive of SPAN (Single Parent Action Network)

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 22:37:49 +0000

This article is from Vivacious Mum. Vivacious Mum is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom Bloggers Network. Real women. Real mothers. Real life.

Describe yourself in a 5 words…

Spirited. Progressive. Creative. Mother. Feminist.

What inspires you?

Single parents improving their lives, their children’s lives and the lives of their communities. I see so many single parents doing this which is why I’m always inspired.

I’m good at…

Taking an overview. Multi-tasking. Coordinating people’s strengths in collective action. Creating spaces to give more marginalized communities a voice. Putting in funding bids that incorporate all of the latter.

I’m bad at…

Holding back. Keeping quiet. Letting go.

What are the highlights of your career thus far?

Obtaining the support of the Third European Poverty Programme to set up the Single Parent Action Network. Not only did we get to do exchanges with single parents across England, Wales Scotland and Northern Ireland, but we got to travel to many other countries in the EU. We learnt so much, and that spirit has stayed with the organisation ever since.

What are your goals for the next 5 years?

Supporting the development of SPAN’s move to Junction 3, that includes an exciting new space for single parent families.
Maximising SPAN’s virtual space for single parents on SPAN’s One Space website www.onespace.org.uk.
Collaborating with others, including women’s organisations, for a more equal society – working to prevent the further impoverishment of one parent families in these present times.
On a personal level, setting up a website with a friend – Café Society – out of the kitchen into the café, changing society and eating cake.

How did you get started with Single Parent Action Network?

In 1990 I was working for a grassroots group of single parents from different ethnic cultures and backgrounds in Bristol. We wanted to develop a national network of self-help groups to improve the lives of one parent families living in poverty. I was successful in getting funding.

How did the name Single Parent Action Network come about?

Because of wanting to do what it says on the tin – and the acronym SPAN was so good. Or so I thought – a week after coming up with the name I discovered a problem. It can sound like SPAM over the phone.

How did you develop the concept for Single Parent Action Network?

One parent families were experiencing terrible discrimination and poverty. We wanted to develop a national network that would strengthen families during those awful times. I was asked to draw a tree by the Advisory Group to explain how SPAN might develop. I still have a copy. The roots were the strength, passion and intellect of our single parent members. The trunk represented our network across the country – our strength in the storm. And from the network would grow branches – involving single parents in poverty, multi-racial structures, fighting discrimination, setting up new self-help groups, campaigning on policy.

What has been the most exciting collaboration you’ve worked on?

I’ve worked on so many – coordinating the European Network of One Parent Families for example; working with others to set up the European Anti-Poverty Network and the UK Coalition Against Poverty. But SPAN’s partnership with the high profile Save Lone Parent Benefit Campaign in Westminster in 1997 was perhaps the most exciting concentrated collaboration – it became a turning point in the way single parents were treated in

this country.

Do you have any advice for young women wanting to follow in your footsteps?

Follow your passion. Get involved in local grassroots groups or help to develop a self-help group in the process. Study history or for a social science degree, and do a dissertation on themes that intrigue and inspire you. Draw on knowledge that combines the personal with the political, the body with the mind, the private with the public, the home with work, grassroots to government.

What are your top tips for single parents?

Develop good social networks for yourself and your children – volunteering can be a good way in.
However low you feel life will always get better.
Remind yourself that 75% of children will spend time in a family that is different from the traditional nuclear family.
If you escaped a violent relationship you’ve done the very best for yourself and your children. Always be proud of that.
Nurture your mind, body and soul.

In a nutshell, your philosophy is…

Keep on jumping. You may need to change the spot you are jumping on if you are not getting anywhere, but keep on jumping.

10 famous single moms throughout history

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 22:08:09 +0000

It’s hard being a single mom and easy to feel alone sometimes. But the fact is, there are lots of single moms in America - an estimated 13.7 million single parents in the U.S. who are raising 21.8 million children. 82.6% of single parents are mothers.

And there have been many famous single moms throughout history, proving on a large scale what lots of women prove every day: strong moms change the world! Here are only a few examples of awesome single moms in history:

Toni Morrison Nobel Prize and Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist, editor, and professor who wrote the books Song of Solomon, The Bluest Eye, and Beloved, amongst many others. She divorced her husband in 1964, becoming a single parent to her children Harold and Slade.
Halle Berry is the first and only actress of African American descent to win an Academy Award for Best Actress. Berry is currently going through a messy custody battle with her ex, supermodel Gabriel Aubry. She is pictured often in tabloids with her daughter Nahla.
Katie Couric An American journalist and author, Katie Couric was the first solo female anchor of a weekday evening news program on one of the three traditional U.S. broadcast networks. Her husband passed away in 1998, and she is the mother of two daughters Ellie and Caroline.
Abigail Adams The wife of President John Adams, Abigail Adams was essentially a single mother because her husband’s duties required long periods of separation. Not only did she raise their five children, she also managed their farm, as well as John’s financial investments. Her oldest son, John Quincy, became a U.S. President like his father.
Coretta Scott King The widow of Martin Luther King Jr., Coretta Scott King was also an author, activist, and civil rights leader. After the assassination of her husband, she became a single mother to Yolanda, Martin Luther III, Dexter Scott, and Bernice.
Erykah Badu The “First Lady of Neo-Soul”, musician, producer, and actress Erykah Badu is also the single mother to Seven Sirius, Puma Sabti, and Mars Merkaba. She is in a relationship with rapper Jay Electronica, her boyfriend of 5 years and the father of Mars Merkaba.
Sofia Vergara Colombian actress, comedian, television host, model, and entrepreneur is most known in the U.S. from her role in the show Modern Family. She married then divorced her childhood sweetheart and is the single mother of a nineteen year old son Manolo.
St. Helena Augusta The earliest single mother on the list, Helena Augusta was the abandoned single mother of Emperor Constantine I, and changed the face of Christianity.
Jackie Kennedy Onassis, was the wife of 35th U.S. President John F. Kennedy and served as the First Lady of the U.S. until 1961 when her husband was assassinated. She was a single mother to her children Caroline and John Jr. until she remarried Aristotle Onassis five years later. She was a successful book editor for the final two decades of her life.
Diane Keaton is an actress, producer, director, and screenwriter. Though she’s dated famous men like Woody Allen, Warren Beatty, and Al Pacino, she never married. At the age of 50, she decided to become a single mother and adopted her children Dexter and Duke.

Summer safety tips for single parents

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:20:22 +0000

This article is from Vivacious Mum. Vivacious Mum is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom Bloggers Network. Real women. Real mothers. Real life.

As a single parent, you may find that summer allows you more frequent and longer chunks of time to spend with your kids. Along with all the fun activities and outings you have planned, make sure that you take the necessary precautions to avoid dangers when swimming and enjoying outdoor activities. Here are some specific ways you can keep your kids safe this summer:

1. Provide Supervision When Enjoying Water Activities

Summer will provide many opportunities to enjoy water activities with your children. From swimming in the community pool, to wading in a neighbor’s kiddie pool, or picnicking by a lake or stream, there will be many times when your children need to be supervised near water. It’s crucial that you never leave your children unattended near water. Drowning take mere minutes, and can be prevented with complete, undistracted adult supervision.

Summer Safety Tips:

Never leave children unattended near water.
If you have an inflatable pool in your yard, purchase a cover for it.
In addition, purchase safety alarms for the gate and/or door leading to the pool.

2. Teach Your Children Not to Play With Fireworks

Even if fireworks are legal in your state, never allow your children to play with them unsupervised. Many parents don’t realize that even Sparklers, which seem so harmless, reach a peak temperature of about 2,000 degrees. In addition, if you have older children, teach them to walk away from friends who attempt to use fireworks without adult supervision.

Summer Safety Tip:

Realize that the temptation to play with fireworks does not end with July 4th.
Role-play with your kids to teach them to say “No” and walk away.
Talk with the parents of your children’s friends about this issue as well.

3. Check the Backseat Before You Exit Your Car

We’ve all heard the tragic storied of parents who’ve left their children alone in an overheated car. Never take this chance. Get into the habit of looking in your back seat each time you get out of your car. This way, you’ll never be in the position of leaving a sleeping child behind.

Summer Safety Tips:

Never leave your children in a hot car.
Keep your car locked and teach your children not to play in or around vehicles.
Check the backseat when you exit the car.

4. Stay Hydrated

Teach your children to drink plenty of water throughout the day during the summertime. This is a habit that is easy to teach by your example. In addition, staying hydrated will help to keep you comfortable and maintain the energy levels you need on hot and humid days.

Summer Safety Tips:

Purchase large plastic containers that you can fill in the morning and drink from all day.
Teach your children to drink a glass of water before having soda or carbonated drinks.
Bring water bottles with you when you leave the house.

5. Use Sunscreen

Make sure you regularly apply an effective sunscreen each time your children play outdoors during the summer. In addition, make sure you reapply it frequently, especially when they are playing in or near water. It can be easy to forget this step in the late afternoon or on cloudy days, but remember that the sun is strong enough to burn your child’s skin even when it does not feel particularly hot or strong.

Summer Safety Tips:

Make this a regular habit.
Reapply sunscreen often.
Try the convenience of using a spray-on sunscreen.

How to get through tough times

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:28:03 +0000

Written by: Dianna Sylva

Dianna is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom bloggers network. Real women. Real Mothers. Real Life.

In tough times, keep your mind and time busy! Idleness will bring you worry, depression, and frustration. This is the best time to get tough! Don’t let the negative situation take over your time. Take control. Make a decision to change the environment around you. Sitting home wondering how things will ever work only leads you into the biggest pity party of “Why Me?”

Build a support team. Your support team can be a group of family, friends or neighbors that meet once a week. This is great for consolidating ideas from one another on what to do during the worst tough times. Topics can be discussed on how to overcome financial hurdles, rebuilding a foundation in the home, tips on forming at-home business. With a support team, everyone contributes to keeping each other from falling apart and making constructive decisions. Meeting once a week or twice a month can be the most beneficial in solving the questions of, how, what, when and why!!

Your support team should reach out into the community with functions and sponsorships. For example, coaching youth sports teams for development, reaching into the streets for homeless people, providing counseling and food bank. Privileges are not taken but given.

Support teams will allow everyone to stretch out into a world other than your own. Have you ever noticed when your helping someone else with their problems, yours seem less.

Your attitude changes and you are more humbled in finding that your puzzled life is not as TOUGH as you thought.

Vivacious Mum June Issue!

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 22:17:22 +0000

If you get a little time over the weekend, check out the new issue of Vivacious Mum. Inside you’ll find:

Summer safety tips for single parents
Positive discipline for your daughter
Advice on when you can start leaving your child at home alone
How to fix the behavior and not the feeling if you have a child dealing with anger
Tips to outdoor entertaining
Starting an organic vegetable garden
Info on the shelf life of make-up
And much more!

Click here for the full issue of Vivacious Mum Magazine!

12 tools every single mom should own

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:43:06 +0000

This article is from Vivacious Mum. Vivacious Mum is a member of the Diary of a Single Mom Bloggers Network. Real women. Real mothers. Real life.

Whether you own your own home or rent, having a few tools on hand for a quick fix can save you time and money you would otherwise have to spend hiring a handyman. And as any single mom knows, whether you’re putting together a crib for the first time or trying to take the batteries out of a toy, you will always need a screw driver. Here’s what else you should also have in your tool kit.

Hammer with Claw: Besides using this tool for the obvious nail pounding and removing, it also doubles as a weapon, although I don’t recommend sleeping with it under your pillow.
Needle Nose Pliers: Your home’s equivalent to a good pair of tweezers. These pliers are ideal for grabbing and fishing out small objects and for pulling wire and cables through small holes.
Utility Knife: This tool I use to slice open packages and cut through duct tape. But make sure you buy the model with the retractable blade. This is one of the most dangerous tools to leave lying around with the blade exposed.
Cordless Multibit Screwdriver: One of my favorite tools that brought back the joy in screwing. For anything screw related – this is the tool. But if power tools are not your thing, then a set of handheld multibit screwdrivers will do just fine.
Level: Must have for hanging pictures, mirrors, curtains and anything else where “almost straight” just won’t do.
Locking Pliers: This tool is not just for fastening or unfastening a clamp, but can also be used to pull nails and screws out of walls and other hard surfaces. When my locking pliers went missing, I replaced my old ones with a new pair that had a wire cutter.
Retractable Tape Rule: A 25-foot long tape measure is really all you need for small home projects like picture hanging, etc. Make sure you get one with a clip so you can fasten it to your pants. Just the thought of that makes me laugh!
Nail & Screw Sets: You can find sets that contain both but if you have to buy them separately, make sure you get at least 4 different sizes of each. And while you are at it, throw in a picture hanging set too.
Flashlight: My personal favorite is the MAG-LITE 2 cell-D Aluminum Flashlight. I use it not only for emergencies but also when working in dark, cramped spaces where a flood light won’t fit. In fact, buy two and keep one in your car.
Extension Cord: Indoor/outdoor is best if you are a homeowner.
Extension Ladder or Step Ladder: The rule of thumb is to purchase a ladder that is at least 5 feet taller than the object you need to reach. The last thing you want is to lug a ladder home only to discover it’s not long enough. Also, make sure the sales person shows you how to open, lock and close the ladder. Of course, if you have a fear of heights, opt for calling a handyman.
Dry/Wet Vac: Anyone that lives in a flood zone wouldn’t be caught dead without one of these. But you don’t need to be submerged in water to realize how valuable this vacuum is. Not only does it suck up water, but also dirt, sawdust and just about anything else you don’t want to use your household vacuum for. There are even handheld versions that can be easily stored in a utility closest for apartment and condo dwellers.

And while you at it; don’t forget to get yourself a metal tool box to store all your new toys. Tool Belt optional!

How important is it that your kids know your ex’s extended family?

Alley Pezanoski-Browne — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 20:48:58 +0000

Courtesy of timparkinson (via Flickr)

Single moms often need the support of their friends and extended family in order to get by. But what about the extended family of your ex? How important is it that your kids know your ex’s extended family?

A recent, interesting article on Singlemommyhood.com asks this very question. They received a letter from a single mom who has gone to great lengths to help her son build a relationship with his father’s family despite his father’s absence and the seeming lack of interest of his paternal grandmother. She’s wondering if she should continue to put in so much effort for so little return. Singlemommyhood asked their readers to weigh in, and here are some of the responses:

“You can’t force relationships. I say let them make some effort and when they do be receptive to it. Your child will get enough love from you and the people you call family.”

“I don’t want to have a relationship with my ex’s extended family but I do want my kids to have a great relationship with them. I leave that for my ex to do and he is in charge of maintaining a relationship with his own family.”

“I’d say it’s time to back off for the sake of heartache and frustration. Mail invitations, pics and even short update letters to keep them up to date but don’t stress about it.”

“I think if your ex is twisted but his family isn’t, then the extended family is good for kids.”

Have you ever been in this situation? How much responsibility rests on the single mom to keep the ex-family-in-law involved in her child’s life?