Courtesy of sabianmaggy (via Flickr)

There’s no denying it: having a baby is expensive. But just how financially costly is it?

The BABY BUDGET game by TeenageParent.org shows you how much you spend in the first year in the life of your baby.

Some of the expenses to take into consideration are:

• Monthly pre-natal check-ups: $1,500.00
• Monthly prenatal vitamins: $135.00
• For the hospital: $5,000.00
• Infant Car Seat: $45.00

For more resources for dads, check out Responsible Fatherhood Programs and the Global Fathers Support Group Directory.

Reducing teen pregnancy is closely connected to the goal of promoting responsible fatherhood. Research shows that involved and committed fathers are important to the well-being of their children. Unfortunately, children born to teen parents are often denied a close connection with their father because the relationship between their parents frequently dissolves over time.

• Children who live apart from their fathers are five times more likely to be poor than children with both parents at home.1
• Boys and girls without involved fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school, twice as likely to abuse alcohol or drugs, twice as likely to end up in jail, and two to three times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.1,2
• Teen girls who don’t have a father in their life are two times more likely to initiate sexual activity early and are seven times more likely to get pregnant compared to girls with fathers present.3
• Also, teen girls who have a higher quality relationship with their fathers are less likely to initiate sexual activity compared to those who report a lower quality relationship with their fathers.4
• Teen boys who live with both parents initiate sex at an older age compared to teen boys in other family situations.5
• Over two decades of research confirms that parents – both fathers and mothers – are an important influence on whether their teenagers become pregnant or cause a pregnancy.6

There is growing attention to the responsibilities of boys and young men in preventing teen pregnancy. At last count, 40 states had strategies to prevent unwanted or too-early fatherhood. This emphasis on primary prevention for boys and men is a welcome trend. Still, too many young men are not waiting until they are ready – emotionally and financially – to become fathers:

• The good news is that sexual activity among teenage boys is declining; in fact, less than half of all teen boys report that they have ever had sex.7
• More teen boys are also using condoms when they have sex, and almost one in four sexually active teen boys report that they used dual methods the last time they had sex (they used a condom and their partner used a hormonal method).7
• When it comes to marriage, divorce, and non-marital childbearing, teen boys tend to have slightly more traditional attitudes compared to teen girls—only about half of teen boys approve of non-marital childbearing compared to almost two-thirds of girls; close to three- quarters of teen boys think that getting married is better than staying single compared to about half of teen girls; about 4 in 10 teen boys approve of divorce as an solution to marriage problems while close to half of girls agree.8,9
• The best available data show that after increasing 32 percent between 1986 and 1991, the teen birth rate for fathers aged 15 – 19 decreased 31 percent between 1991 and 2004.10,11
• Eight of ten teen fathers do not marry the mothers of their first children.12
• These absent fathers pay less than $800 annually for child support, often because they are quite poor themselves.12
• Some research suggest that teen fathers have lower education levels and suffer earning loses of 10-15 percent annually.12,13

Clearly, there is more that could be done to send a strong message to teen boys and young men that they should wait to become a father until they are ready to have a lasting — ideally married — relationship with the mother of their children and are able meet their financial and emotional responsibilities to their children. In addition, there is more that could be done to build on efforts within the teen pregnancy prevention field to reach out to boys and young men through what are sometimes called “male involvement programs.” It is also important to recognize and support the important role that fathers can play in helping their own sons and daughters avoid becoming teen parents.

SOURCES

1. Horn, W.F., & Sylvester, T., Father facts, fourth edition. 2002, National Fatherhood Initiative: Gaithersburg, MD.
2. The National Fatherhood Initiative, The Father Factor: How Father Absence Affects Our Youth. 2006: Gaithersburg, MD.
3. Ellis, B.J., Bates, J.E., Dodge, K.E., Ferguson, D.M., Horwood, L.J., Pettit, G.S., & Woodward, L., Does Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy. Child Development, 2003. 74: p. 801-821.
4. Regnerus, M.D., & Luchies, L.B., The Parent-Child Relationship and Opportunities for Adolescents’ First Sex. Journal of Family Issues, 2006. 27(2): p. 159-183.
5. Forste, R., & Haas, D.W., The Transition of Adolescent Males to First Sexual Intercourse: Anticipated or Delayed? Perspectives on Sexual and Repro- ductive Health, 2002. 34(4): p. 184-190.
6. Kirby, D., Lepore, G., & Ryan, J., Sexual Risk and Protective Factors Affecting Teen Sexual Behavior, Pregnancy, Childbearing, and Sexually Transmitted Disease. 2005, The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Preg- nancy Washington, DC.
7. Abma, J.C., Martinez, G.M., Mosher, W.D., & Dawson, B.S., Teenagers in the United States: Sexual activity, contraceptive use, and childbearing, 2002. Vital Health Statistics, 2004. 23(24).
8. Flanigan, C., Huffman, R., & Smith, J. , Teens’ Attitudes Toward Marriage, Cohabitation, and Divorce, 2002, in Science Says. 2005, National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy: Washington, DC.
9. Flanigan, C., Huffman, R., & Smith, J., Teens’ Attitudes Toward Nonmarital Childbearing, 2002, in Science Says. 2005, National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy: Washington, DC.
10. Martin, J.A., Hamilton, B.E., Ventura, S.J., Menacker, F. & Kirmeyer, S., Births: Final Data for 2004. National Vital Statistics Reports, 2006. 55(1).
11. Ventura, S.J., Matthews, T.J., & Hamilton, B.E., Births to Teenagers in the United States, 1940-2000. National Vital Statistics Reports, 2001. 49(10).
12. Brein, M.J., & Willis, R.J., Costs and consequences for fathers, in Kids Having Kids: economic and social consequences of teen pregnancy, R. Maynard, Editor. 1997, The Urban Institute Press: Washington, DC. p. 95-143.
13. Hoffman, S.D., By the Numbers: The Public Costs of Adolescent Childbearing. 2006, The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy Washington, DC.

Courtesy of John Steven Fernandez (via Flickr)

Finding a job is a difficult task for all young people, and with the job market being what it is these days, it’s gotten even harder.

In October 2010, teen unemployment reached a high of 28%. This summer it dropped down to 24% overall, but for Black teens, unemployment reached a staggering high of 40% this spring.

For young men and especially young men of color, the unemployment rates are always higher than the overall percentage. And the unemployment rate for teen fathers is around 57%.

Unemployment can have long-term effects on the earning power and mental health of a teen. But don’t despair. There are many resources available to help you deal with unemployment and depression. And there are programs and services out there that can help you find the right job for you. If you’re a teen looking for a job, try:

• The National Urban League Jobs Network
• YouthBuild USA
• AmeriCorps
• CareerRookie
• DiversityJobs
• LatPro - employment resources for Hispanic and bilingual professionals.
• MyFirstPaycheck
• Teens4Hire
• CareerOneStop Employer Locator
• Job Corps
• The Conservation Corps
• Groovejob
• National H.I.R.E. Network – quality job opportunities open to people with criminal records.

Chances are you’ll be able to find a local Youth Employment Program or Youth Employment Services in your state, and if you feel like you need a little more training, here’s a state-by-state list of Vocational Training Schools.

All the best of luck with your job search!

The first steps in ending domestic violence are awareness and prevention. Through her work she is making these steps a reality. We’re sharing her story and some of the work she’s doing in order to help you recognize the warning signs, talk to your children and provide the information you need to protect yourself and live well.

Daily: How do you define domestic abuse?

Joanna: Domestic Abuse is the systematic suffocation of another person’s spirit. It’s about power and control. One person holds the power by using physical, emotional, spiritual, financial and sexual abuse to force the victim into submission. Abusers can be male or female.

Daily: What are some of the things you discuss when you speak to young people about relationships?

Joanna: What I most want teens to understand is that each of us deserves to be loved, respected and heard. Someone who truly cares about us will listen to us and respect our opinion, even if they don’t agree.  For important decisions, both partners provide input and negotiate a solution. One person should not always have to give in to the other to keep peace. Partners respect each other’s “no’s” and boundaries.

Partner’s encourage and support each other as they discover their individual passions in life. In healthy relationships, there is time together, time alone, time with friends/family and time with each other’s friends/family. Jealousy has no place in the relationship – trust is an absolute. Physical or emotional abuse ends the relationship, immediately. Sometimes we have to close our hearts to someone we love.

Daily: What can parents, educators and communities do to teach young people about domestic violence, create awareness and help end it?

Joanna: Don’t wait until it happens to your child, talk about teen dating violence (there’s lots of good information on the internet.) Teach young people how to treat one another and the components of healthy relationships – trust, respect, and communication. Model good relationships in your personal lives. Kids see how Mom and Dad treat each other.

We know that fathers are especially important in their daughter’s lives. How Dad treats his daughter is her first experience with the opposite sex. Girls who have a solid, respectful relationship with their fathers are less likely to put up with disrespectful guys.

If your child is in a controlling relationship, don’t force a breakup. Abusers love to drive a wedge between parents and victims. Instead, keep the lines of communication open. Talk about what she (he) is experiencing, calmly. Call the police if you witness any violence.

Daily: What are some signs women (and men) should pay attention to that may be red flags?

Joanna: Some of the first red flags are:

• Your partner doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
• He/she rushes you into the relationship and starts planning the future or pushing a sexual relationship before you are ready.
• He/she monopolizes all your time and  becomes jealous when you spend time with others.
• He/she has a sense of entitlement- believes in set gender roles in society.
• He/she is passionate and closed minded about specific topics or how things should be.

Daily: What advice would you give someone thinking about leaving his or her abuser? What steps should they take?

Joanna: If you are in a controlling relationship:

• Tell a trusted adult.
• Keep a record of abuse (i.e. note occurrences on calendar, save text messages.)
• Tell your partner it’s over in the safest way for you. That may be over the phone or a text message.
• Develop a safety plan: Have friends walk you to classes and see you home safely, tell someone where you are going and when you expect to return-so if you don’t return she can alert the police.
• Don’t engage in any further conversations with your ex (who will only pressure you to stay.) It’s better for your partner and you in the long run. Any contact will make your ex think there is still a chance you’ll return.
• Contact the police if you are stalked or harassed.

Daily: How have you personally been affected by domestic violence?

Joanna: My experience with domestic abuse started when I was 19. I met a guy who seemed to be everything I had hoped for. He wasn’t. Over time his true personality began to show. He isolated me from my family and friends. He set himself up as the center of my world by creating chaos in my life so that my attention was constantly on meeting his needs and wants. Over time, I lost myself.

Early in our marriage, he hit me so hard on the side of my head that he popped my eardrum. I told him I would leave if his continued to hit me. From then on, I experienced mostly emotional abuse, but lived in fear that he would batter me again. He’d pin me against the wall and scream at me that I was a stupid, worthless woman, tearing down my self-esteem. He’d been so wonderful when we first met that it was hard to believe that what was happening was real. He would tell me the problems were my fault; if I’d just done such-and-such every thing would have been okay. For almost 20 years, I tried to make things better. Finally, more afraid of him than how my children and I would survive on our own, I left with the help of friends.

To read her book or blog, find resources and learn more, visit:

• Joanna’s book: “But He’ll Change: End the thinking that Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship.”
• Blog: Moving up on the “People Who Deserve Happiness” list – a blog that focuses on healing after abuse.
• Facebook page: Joanna V Hunter, where women can find information and support from other survivors in private groups.
• Twitter: hunterjv

Other resources Joanna recommends:

• Teen National Dating Violence Hotline: 866-331-9474
• LoveIsRespect.org
• BreaktheCycle.org
• The Beehive: Abuse and Domestic Violence

Courtesy of jessiejacobson (via Flickr)

Relationships – they aren’t exactly what you see on TV or in the movies, are they? But that doesn’t mean meeting a great person and having a strong, healthy relationship is impossible.

Taking your time, getting to know what you want and understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships can help you get there. So, let’s start from the beginning.

Asking them out

More than 29 percent of teens said they’ve asked someone out and 43 percent said they’ve been asked out using text messaging. Why? Because it’s less awkward if it’s over text.. No one likes being rejected, but at least if it’s via text it sort of lessens the blow.

Dating, going out, hooking up, or whatever you want to call it..

According to one survey, 1 in 10 teenagers (12 percent) are currently in a relationship with someone they’ve been dating for more than a year.

But even those not in a “serious” relationship are still getting out there. More than half of teens (57 percent) say they regularly go out on dates, and a third say they have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course, after a year, questions about sex, commitment and concerns about how healthy the relationship is are likely to come up.

Teen Dating Violence

Planned Parenthood says the keys to a healthy relationship are — respect, honesty, trust, fairness, equality, and good communication. But what does an unhealthy relationship look like?

A few facts about dating violence: Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted to as a result of pressure. And 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner. Here are a few things to consider to help you determine if you’re in a healthy or unhealthy relationship:

Do you:

• Ever feel guilty about having your own friends and own interests?
• Often feel pressured to spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend when you’d rather do something else?
• Keep opinions or concerns to yourself to make things easier?
• Change your behavior to avoid fighting with your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Do they:

• Get jealous when you talk to friends of the opposite sex?
• Complain about or try to control what you wear?
• Call or text you excessively?
• Push you to do things you aren’t sure you want to (like sex, drugs, etc.)?

If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, consider calling a domestic violence hotline, like the loveisrespect.org hotline: 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY), National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or teenrelationships.org hotline: 800-300-1080, to talk to someone about what you’re going through.

The Breakup

The most common time for breakups is around three to five months. But it’s tough no matter how long you’ve been dating or who does the breaking up. Just know it does get better and there are lots of fish in the sea.

Of course, with social networking and texting, breakups have changed a bit over the years. Now, more teens are using Facebook and SMS to breakup (before you do, check out this list of do’s and don’t of texting in a relationship). In fact, out of 10,000 guys and girls age 16-21, 10 percent have been dumped on Facebook. And 30 percent have been dumped via text. You’re not alone!

Courtesy of erin MC hammer (via Flickr)

The stats don’t quite add up:

• 78% of teens say they have all the info they need to avoid an unplanned pregnancy but 34% said “it doesn’t matter whether you use birth control or not, when it is your time to get pregnant, it will happen” and 49% said they know “little or nothing” about condoms and how to use them.
• 46% of teens say parents influence their decision about sex while only 20% said their friends do.
• 80% of teens said it’s easier for them to delay sexual activities if they could have more honest conversations with their parents.
• 63% of teens said that they don’t use contraception because they are scared their parents will know.
• 18% of teens want more info about birth control and 9% want more info about abstinence.
• Most parents want their teens to learn how to use condoms (85%), how to use and where to get other birth control (84%), abortion (79%), sexual orientation and homosexuality (76%), HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections (98%), the basics of pregnancy and birth (90%), how to deal with the pressure to have sex and emotional issues and consequences of being sexually active (94%), and how to talk with a partner about birth control and STDs (88%)

What all of this tells us is that there are a lot of teens (maybe you’re one of them) who want to know more about sex and who want to be able to talk to their parents about it. And most parents want their kids to have information too, but the conversation doesn’t seem to be happening. We get it. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. What if you start The Talk with your folks, and they freak out, or worse, get judgmental? Say, “don’t have sex” and end the conversation right there?

Parents are human, which means they’re flawed too. But if you talk to them like they’re rational people, usually they’ll talk to you that way too. Here are some suggestions for ways to talk to your parents about sex:

1. What do you want out of the conversation? Do you want them to:
   • listen and understand what you’re going through without offering their own opinion?
   • give you permission or support for something?
   • offer you advice or help?
   • guide you back on track if you’re in trouble?
2. The reason to think about the questions in #1 is so that when you talk to them you can explain exactly what it is that you need from them. When it comes to sex, most likely you want their advice or help. But maybe you want to talk to them about birth control and whether they’ll give you permission to get on the pill, purchase condoms, or talk about options with a medical professional. If you come to them with a well thought-out, rational idea of what you need and want, they’ll have an easier time being calm and rational with you. But be prepared for their answer. It may still be no, but at least this way, they may tell you why.
3. If your feelings are making it hard for you to talk to your parent(s), try to put those feelings into words. “Mom, I want to talk to you about something, but I’m nervous and afraid that you won’t really listen to me.” Being honest about your nerves may break the ice and allow for more open conversation.
4. Make sure you pick a good time to talk, like on a drive or a walk.
5. Write down your thoughts to better organize what’s important to you.
6. Communicate clearly and directly, don’t argue or whine, think about things from their point of view, and honesty really is the best policy.
7. Pick your battles. Accepting a no once in awhile with little complaint will ensure more yeses in the future.
8. Try having many little talks, rather than one big one. Having honest communication on a day-to-day basis is really the way to go. When you have a question, ask it.
9. If there’s no talking, reasoning, relating with your parents, chances are that there are other adults who can give you advice. Try an aunt or an uncle, a teacher, maybe even an older cousin. The important thing is to find an adult you trust to give you the facts.

Resources: Teens Health from Nemours, Sex, Etc., The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy

1. Eat healthy. Eat fewer high-fat foods and more fruits and vegetables. A healthy diet has many health benefits. Several medical conditions can be directly linked to what you eat. Women should get 1200-1500mg of calcium per day to prevent bone loss/osteoporosis. All women who have a chance of becoming pregnant should be sure they are getting enough folic acid to prevent birth defects (a daily multivitamin will have enough folic acid).
2. Get regular exercise. Make a structured plan to get exercise (join a gym, get together with a friend to get exercise). Cut down screen time (TV, computer) and get more active!
3. Avoid too much sun. Sun exposure is linked to skin cancer which is the most common type of cancer in the US. Limit sun exposure and wear sunscreen with SPF of at least 15 and one that blocks both UVA and UVB light. Avoid the tanning booth.
4. Safety. Always wear your seatbelt, use a helmet on bikes/motorcycles, have a working smoke detector and do not swim alone.
5. Don’t smoke or use tobacco. Smoking causes 440,000 deaths in the US every year. It is the cause of other preventable illnesses such as emphysema, mouth/throat/lung cancer and heart disease. The sooner you quit the better. Call 1-800-NO-BUTTS for help!
6. Don’t forget your check up. Get your general check up and your hearing and vision checked once a year. Make sure to visit the dentist every 6 months
7. Get your vaccines. Everyone under the age of 19 should get a flu vaccine yearly. It’s also important for you to get TB (tuberculosis testing) almost yearly. You’ll need it for jobs and school.
8. Be aware of your family’s health history. If you are overweight, have a family history of high cholesterol or diabetes, you should get a blood test every 1-2 years.
9. Take care of your reproductive health. If you are sexually active, you should be tested for sexually transmitted infections at least every 3-6 months. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about birth control options.
10. Think about your health goals. Do you want to run marathons, join a team sport, or just be generally a little healthier? Think about your goals and what you should take on as your next steps to make them happen.

Students and staff at our partner organization Youth Uprising created this video of young mothers talking about teen pregnancy.

From the National Campaign and blAckamericaweb.com is this excellent article about using TV to help you have “The Talk” about sex, pregnancy, and parenting with your kids.

It’s Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, and there is a lot you can do to help your teen offspring delay pregnancy until they’re really ready. Watching TV with them is one of those things.

Teen pregnancy has been everywhere in popular media in recent years and lots of people worry that it might be making early sex and young parenthood look glamorous to teenage viewers. But research doesn’t seem to support those fears. More than eight out of 10 teenagers who have watched MTV’s controversial hit reality show “16 and Pregnant” say that it doesn’t glamorize teen pregnancy, and, in fact, it helps teens better understand the challenges of pregnancy and parenting – and how to avoid it. Young viewers know that the lives depicted on the show aren’t glamorous at all, and the teen parents who share their stories on television are dealing with all kinds of challenges and difficulty that could have been prevented.

Do you know any young people who watch the show? If so, ask them what they think about the lives of the teens (and their babies) they’ve been following. Also, ask them what they think of teen pregnancy and parenthood. Starting with the safe topic of a favorite TV show can lead to enlightening conversations about their own feelings.

If reality shows aren’t for you, there are other stories in popular media to get the teen pregnancy conversation going. Check out “9INE,” a web series about a young African-American couple dealing with teen pregnancy, told from the expectant father’s point of view. The episodes are less than 10 minutes long and full of things to talk about. The couple’s parents’ reactions, what the friends have to say, how the young couple deals with their situation are all good conversation starters for moms and dads who want to discuss these issues with their own teens.

Teenagers are often interested in stories like this, and parents shouldn’t be afraid to eplxore them with them. Teens consistently report that when shows and characters they like deal with teen pregnancy, it makes them think more about their own risk and how to avoid it.

May is Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, so make a point to talk to your kids about the subject now – and when you do talk to your kids, please tell the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy how it goes. They’re collecting stories about how moms and dads are doing this and would love to share yours with their audience.

Go to stayteen.org to talk about “The Talk” with them!